I'm Just A Kid Pretending To Be An Adult

Yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~1 Stick of string cheese - 1g carbs
~Cashews - 12g carbs
~Meatballs and fresh mozzarella from Mellow Mushroom - 10g carbs
~Sugar Free Raspberry Jello - 0g carbs

Diet is going great, well, as great as a diet can go. Something odd, but not alarming has happened (female issues). I'm not sure if it is the testosterone or diet or what but I won't go into detail about it on here. I have a call into my doctor just to see if I need to change something up. But other than that, I'm still feeling great. It is amazing how good I feel compared to last time I did the diet.

I don't remember if I mentioned it or not, but I'm not taking 5HTP anymore...and haven't been for weeks. It made me feel foggy and just plain crappy. So I am not on ANY mood stabilizers! Whoo hoo! I can feel normal and happy without medicine. Also, my PMDD is sooooooo much better when I take 500mg of magnesium. The magnesium will also help prevent kidney stones. That should be nice since they run in my family and I have already gone through the excruciating pain twice.


We had a lot of fun with friends at Mellow Mushroom last night :-). It is wonderful to have more fiends in town right now. Rachael and Brandon are so friendly and seem to get along with everyone...I hate it that they will be leaving soon.

Yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~2 String cheese sticks - 2g carbs
~Cashews - 7g carbs
~Chicken, portabella mushrooms, and boiled egg with leftover basil cream sauce - 5g carbs
~6 meatballs - 4g carbs
~Sugar Free Raspberry Jello - 0g carbs

First of all, the chicken with mushrooms and egg was REALLY good. I made it up as I went and it turned out to be a really tasty combination. The jello was fantastic! I replaced half of the water with Sprite Zero, so it would be a little carbonated. It sort of burns your tongue(in a good way) as you eat it(just like all soda does). I actually think I prefer the sugar free stuff. Oh, and not only am I 7 lbs lighter, but my waist has gone from 29 inches to 27.5 :-D. Unfortunately the weight loss will slow down from here. Well, that is actually good because losing too much weight quickly will just cause you to gain it back quicker...and it's not very healthy in general.

Last night I worked out. Maybe I will do that again tonight...maybe.

I have a wonderfully busy week ahead of me. It is Rachael and Brandon's last week here, so we will be getting together for dinner a few nights. Then Saturday I have another one of Kimberly's showers to go to. I plan on visiting my grandparents on my way home from the shower.

You know, I have been constantly doing something for weddings since January 2009...like all my spare "craft" time! That isn't bad, I just don't remember the last time I did a craft or something that wasn't wedding themed. I worked on my wedding for 10 months. Then my brother got engaged while we were still on our honeymoon. Not long after we got back, I offered to make his invitations. I worked on those for a little while, then Kimberly got engaged the weekend before my brother's wedding. So as soon as we finished with that wedding, I moved onto Kimberly's. It is interesting how they all bunched together like that. Gosh, after May is over, I don't know what I will do! Maybe I will look into soap making...Rachael, you have inspired me :-).

I don't remember what all I ate over the weekend. I stayed on my diet...but it was haaaaarrd! Why?

Friday: I did my usual at work, but after work was crazy! Rachael and I had to get everything ready for the shower. So we needed to go to Wal-Mart, the party store and JC Penny. Then go home and cook for a while. That doesn't sound impossible until you think about the facts that we are girls and we don't see each other very often. We got a little "distracted" at JC Penny. Let's just say we didn't get to start cooking until 10pm. We were up until 4am, but it was a lot of fun. Rachael made some amazing Russian teacakes and cupcakes made from scratch...even the icing. I only had 1 teacake (they are really small) and a tiny bite of the cupcake. I didn't even lick the bowls! It is a miracle that I didn't lose control and eat a whole lot more.

Saturday: The shower went really well. The food was super cute if I say so myself. The Easter basket deviled eggs were OK. There is definitely a learning curve, but the last few turned out really cute. Kimberly had fun, and that is all that really counts. The rest of the day was kind of a blur since I was so so tired. I stayed on my diet though.

Sunday: We ate at Savor with my mom for brunch. Oh man, that place is beautiful and the food is really good. I stayed on my diet and ordered a ham and cheese omelet.

I am down 7 lbs! My measurements are a little smaller, so I am starting to lose actual fat. I still say about 3 lbs will always be water weight...so I have actually lost 4 lbs. :-D

Yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~2 sticks of string cheese - 2g carbs
~Lasagna w/o the noodles - 6g carbs
~Chinese food...different kinds of chicken and beef - 9g carbs
~2 Strawberries - 2g carbs

Last night was somewhat productive. I got some good work done on the invitations and I worked out...for 10 minutes :-/. I planned on working out for 30-45 minutes, but my mom came over to work on curtains with me. So I at least did a little bit of each task on my "to do" list.

Tonight is going to be crazy as soon as I get off work. Rachael and I are going shopping for food and other stuff for the shower. Then we are going to cook as much of the stuff tonight as we can. I need to clean the house a bit too. After that, we are going to have some much needed girl time...facials and all :-D. At some point my mom will be by to help do curtains. I doubt all of this will get done, but I am going to really try. Oh yeah, and I need to get several wedding invitations totally done so we can pass them out at the shower. What am I going to wear??

I don't talk about Terry much on here...not sure why. He is (obviously) a huge part of my life and I love him more than anything. I don't think there could be a more perfect man for me. He is the type guy that I always dreamed of having, but never thought I would actually find. I think I had it right in the first e-mail I sent him. Even though we work (and always have) within 5 feet of each other, I sent him a message on myspace. The message was totally innocent and I had no intention of trying to date him. I just wanted to let him know that he was a really, truly nice guy. He was the one that was so nice to me on my first day of work. The funniest thing is that I added a goofy line to the message that jokingly said "and I think we are soul mates because you have a space heater under your desk too." I was right :-D Gosh I wish I still had a copy of that message!

Yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~2 slices of pizza, toppings only - 5g carbs
~2 String cheese sticks - 2g carbs
~Lasagna w/o the noodles - 6g carbs
~Salad w/ dressing - 2g carbs
~Spaghetti Squash with basil cream sauce - 4g carbs

Still feeling pretty good. I used my Spaghetti Squash recipe. I would not eat it if I wasn't on a low carb diet...yuck. The only way I can eat is is to smother it in a yummy sauce. All you do for the squash is cut it in half and take out all the seeds, put it in a pan face down in a little water, then cook it on 375* for 30-40 minutes in the oven. When it's done, you can just "comb" it with a fork and it comes apart in strands. Or you can cook it in the microwave for 6-10 minutes. It tastes nothing like spaghetti, but it is interesting.

Rachael came over and cooked us lasagna last night. Not only was the food wonderful, but the company was great too :-)

Ok, tonight I HAVE to work out and I HAVE to work on the invitations tonight. I would like to hang the curtains in our sunroom and bedroom before the shower, but I don't think that will happen...oh well. So much to do, so little time!

Yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~1/2 glass of Spark (energy drink high in B vitamins) - 7g carbs
~3 String cheese sticks - 3g carbs
~Chicken in a Marsala cream sauce - 9g carbs
~1/2 avocado with 3 low carb Genisoy chips - 6g carbs

My appetite seems to be getting smaller. I eat when I get hungry, so I guess that is ok. I promise I will start a regular exercise routine soon...as soon as I get the wedding invitations done. My nights will be devoted to invitations this week...I need to get them done.

You know, after hearing about other peoples' weddings lately (and watching those wedding shows on WE), I am SOO grateful how ours turned out. It ran as smoothly as a wedding could run. Yeah, there were a few things that didn't get done (they didn't put enough chairs out, my wedding cake had little braids on it that I requested they leave off, and there were a few white table cloths around...I did not want any white). All of which our wonderful wedding coordinator didn't have control over. But by the time I realized it, I was walking down the aisle. Those issues were so little and I was so RIDICULOUSLY calm, that it didn't bother me. That is another amazing thing about the wedding, I have social anxiety, yet I was pretty calm. Sure, you could see my bouquet shaking with my heartbeat at first, but that's it. My bridesmaids were amazing. They kept me hydrated and were right there the whole time. The ceremony was PERFECT...Don, the officiant, was great. We knew nothing about what he was going to say except for the vows (which we chose). The music was great (thanks to Terry, my mom, and Daniel). People were asking for a CD of the music :-D. My mom rented a condo across the street from Scarpinos to use as the bridal suite. That was a great idea! The flowers were totally breathtaking. And the colors, omg, the colors of everything...PERFECT! It was so neat to see my vision come to life. I can't take all the credit for it though. My mom and Sally (wedding coordinator/florist) streamlined it very well. Probably the most importing thing is everyone was actually happy and relatively stress free. There were no spats or disasters. It was perfect. I don't think there is 1 thing I would have changed. Some memories from the wedding:

Our Vows:

I, NAME, choose you NAME
To be my husband/wife and my best friend
My love and my partner
I will be honest and faithful to you
In plenty and in want
In sickness and in health
In laughter and in tears
I will cherish and respect you
Comfort and encourage you
And accept you for who you are
I dedicate to you alone
The best of myself
This is my vow
According to God’s holy word


NAME, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side and that I will always be faithful to you.
____________________________________
Important Music:

Processional Song: When You Wish Upon A Star by Steve Tyrell
Bride Entrance Song: My Girl by the Temptations
Recessional Song: Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson

Yesterday:

~BBQ pulled pork for both lunch and dinner...from two different places - 7g carbs (in the BBQ sauce)
~4 Strawberries - 4g carbs
~Fresh mozzarella wrapped in ham - 1g carb

Once again, I didn't eat much yesterday. However, I got a late start since we were traveling and didn't eat until 2:00. I am back on my normal schedule now though.

My mom says she can tell I have lost weight in the face and upper chest area! This is amazing, I am seeing results only 1 week after starting! I am down 6 lbs now, but only a small part of that is actual weight. As I have said, before, it would take at least 3-4 weeks to see any change. I'm not sure if it is all the vitamins I'm taking or the testosterone, but something is working. My gut is telling me it's the vitamin D and/or testosterone. A huge number of Caucasian women in America are vitamin D deficient, btw.

This week will be super busy, especially Friday-Saturday. Rachael and I will be experimenting in the kitchen with all kinds of purple shower foods. We are going to test some sort of eggplant dish on our husbands on Friday...I don't think they know that yet. If it's good, we will serve it at the shower. I have never given a bridal shower before, so hopefully it won't be a total wreck. We also may attempt some of these super cute deviled eggs:



I am so mad at myself! I forgot to record Dancing with the Stars! I was able to catch the last hour of it, but I guess I will have to watch the first hour online. Pamela acted like she was on drugs or something.

It looks like we missed a big snow! We only saw about 30 seconds worth of snow, the rest of the time it was just cold and rainy. We ended up not going to SDC :-( However, we had so much fun. We took old time photos, which was really fun. The girls were flappers and the boys were gangsters. We also saw the Acrobats of China show...which was awesome!



Guess what? I stayed on my diet!!! I only had about 4 bites of a chocolate mudball dessert.

~1/2 rack of ribs - in the car on our way to Branson :-D
~Marsala Chicken Saturday night
~Peanuts Saturday night

~A burger without the bun Sunday afternoon
~4 bites of a sinful mudball dessert Sunday afternoon
~Grilled chicken wraps without the wrap Sunday evening
~Peanuts Sunday evening

I am now realizing I didn't eat much...hmm, not sure if that is good.

What I ate:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~Egg white salad wraps - 3g carbs
~1 String cheese stick - 1g carbs
~Fresh mozzarella wrapped in ham - 3g carbs
~Several kinds of chicken and beef at a chinese buffet - 10g carbs
~Mousse - 4g carbs
~Cashews - 5g carbs

So far I am down 4lbs, but my water weight is still shifting, so maybe .5lb is real weight loss. My waist measurement is just slightly smaller (that is where I lose weight first...always). I'm still feeling good, which is a really good thing.

Oh man, last night was rough. I don't want to say exactly what happened here online for everyone in the world to see(for those of you who know me, call me or send me a message if you are curious and don't already know). We were out until about 1am making sure everything and everyone was ok. It has been a looong time since I was that scared and I don't want to experience this again. If my life was a reality show last night, it would have been Cops...my life is, in fact, exciting enough without reality tv.

That consumed most of my night, so I have nothing else to report. I didn't work out or work on invitations...or watch tv.

What did I have yesterday?

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~1/2 glass of Spark (energy drink high in B vitamins) - 7g carbs
~Egg white salad wraps - 3g carbs
~2 String cheese sticks - 2g carbs
~3 Strawberries with Splenda - 3g carbs
~Fresh mozzarella wrapped in ham - 3g carbs
~Meatballs covered in Swiss cheese - 5g carbs

I am down 3lbs, but that is water weight. My measurements have not changed yet. I don't expect to see any actual weight loss for at least another week or two. I am still trying to decide if I will cheat a little this weekend or not. I know SDC has some super yummy food, and I haven't been there in 20 years. I'm doing such a good job though, so I don't know if I want to ruin all the good I have done.


Ohh, I ordered a bunch of low carb foods from Netrition.com last week. I should be getting them today :-D I have ordered from them before and had great luck. The food is really good considering it's low carb. I got stuff like cheese crisps, chocolate mousse, cookie mix, pancake/waffle mix, chocolate chips, etc. The pancake mix actually isn't that bad...and it truly is low carb.

So, if you know me very well, you know I am a sucker for reality shows (and especially trashy reality shows). I'm embarrassed by it, but man, there is nothing like watching totally ridiculous people. Last night, I was watching one of the less trashy, America's Next Top Model. This poor girl was doing a runway challenge and bombed it BIG TIME. Not only did she fall on the stairs, but she decided to make up for it by being really "fierce" and making a mean face...yeah, that didn't work out for her. She just looked really mad. Then, when she was walking back, she fell off the runway and ripped her dress. I was laughing so hard and felt bad about it. If I was a model, I know I would end up doing something like that.

Then I watched 16 and Pregnant. I'm not sure if it is the hormone change or what, but I cried! Maybe I'm mean, but I rarely cry for people. I cry at the drop of a hat for animals though. It seems I am becoming more empathetic towards people...which is good I think. But anyway, they ended up giving the baby up for adoption. That was the best choice, but it broke my heart. I don't even want a baby right now, but thinking of giving one up kills me! I had to go find my kitty, Heidi, to hold while watching it.

Project Runway and The Office come on tonight. Survivor doesn't come on tonight, does it? It's probably because of some sports event, bleh!

I actually don't like to watch a whole lot of TV. After and hour or so, I start to feel restless. That is when i do something crafty and creative or read. I feel like I am turning into an old lady :-/

What I ended up eating yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~1/2 glass of Spark (energy drink high in B vitamins) - 7g carbs
~Egg salad wraps - 3g carbs
~2 String cheese sticks - 2g carbs
~7 Strawberries with Splenda - 7g carbs
~1/2 Jello cup of dark chocolate mousse - 3g carbs
~Chicken and avocado in a Sherry cream sauce - 9g carbs

I'm also trying to stay more hydrated than usual so my kidneys don't have to work as hard with the increase of protein and lack of carbs in my system. I didn't work out since I was working on wedding invitations, but that isn't a big deal.

Three years ago today, Terry and I were on our first big trip in Chicago. We saw a little bit of the green river and hung out for the St. Patrick's Day parade. I don't remember what we did the rest of the day.

We have Daffodils blooming in our front yard flower bed! There are also some Tulips coming up that Terry planted last fall :-D. I can't wait to see what colors they are.

That is all for now...

The first day wasn't bad. I only had a few weak moment's at the end of the day...I was REALLY wanting some Dibs, but I pulled through it. I stuffed my face with a little cheese instead :-/. Since this blog is keeping me accountable, this is what I ended up having yesterday:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~1/2 glass of Spark (energy drink high in B vitamins) - 7g carbs
~Egg salad wraps - 3g carbs
~4 String cheese sticks - 4g carbs
~A few cashews - 3g carbs
~6 Strawberries with Splenda - 6g carbs
~1/2 Avocado - 6g carbs
~1/2 Jello cup of dark chocolate mousse - 3g carbs
~Chicken in a Sherry cream sauce - 3g carbs

That equals out to be about 10% DV of carbs. If you want to count net carbs, it would be less than 10%. Oh, and I also did 3.5 miles on my elliptical. I know all of my meals will soon become very unsatisfying...that is where it becomes hard to stick to the diet. I am going to try to snack on stuff all day like I did yesterday. That way I won't get ravenously hungry and really crave the carbs. If I stay relatively full, maybe I won't crave carbs as much. I'm thinking my diet may make Terry gain weight. Like last night, I got in his lap and asked him to eat 1/2 of my chocolate mousse cup so I wouldn't eat all of it. If I keep asking him to eat 1/2 of whatever I am eating (on top of what he is eating), we might have a problem :-).

We are trying to figure out where to go for a summer vacation. It seems Seattle, WA might be the place. We are trying to find a place where Terry and his dad can go hike around, but also a place where me, Terry's mom, and possibly my mom could shop around. I would love to go there, but I'm afraid it may just rain and be ugly out the whole time...us girls would rather stay in if it rains. But on the other hand, I hear there are a lot of bead stores and craft stores. Then we have the issue of what to do with our dogs...we would have to put them in a kennel somewhere. The other option is for my mom and I to go to NYC and Terry and his dad to go to Glacier National Park (or somewhere like that). But then Terry's mom is left out since I don't think she want's to go to NYC. It would be great for the whole family to go somewhere together though. Gosh this blog is boring!

So, today is the first day of my diet :-/. Last night I tried to make a few foods that will last me for the week. I made some really good egg salad wraps and cut some strawberries. Here is a tentative menu for the day:

~Mocha Latte Shake - 5g carbs
~1/2 glass of Spark (energy drink high in B vitamins) - 7g carbs
~Egg salad wraps - 3g carbs
~String cheese - 1g carbs
~3 Strawberries with Splenda - 3g carbs
~Avocado - 12g carbs
~Ham and cheese lettuce wrap - 3g carbs

Tonight I am going to try to make some meatballs to eat the rest of the week.

I don't know if it is the vitamins or what, but my complexion has been looking GREAT the last few days. I have never had an issue with acne or bad skin, but wow, something has changed. Surely it's not the compounded testosterone...if anything, I would think that would make my complexion worse. Oh well, I'll take it. Speaking of testosterone, I feel a world of difference. After taking it for a week I feel motivated and this haze from my Prozac withdrawal has lifted. I am still a bit more forgetful than usual - hopefully that will pass soon.

The forgetfulness was pretty bad a few weeks ago. This was before I started taking any vitamins and testosterone and a few weeks after I stopped taking Prozac. I went to go get some fabric one Saturday morning. Terry was still in bed, so I went alone. When I walked out of the store, I unlocked my car and got into the passenger side. I sat down, then realized how much of an IDIOT I was. I was ALONE! Why was I getting in the passenger side of my car??? I was simply not thinking and out of habit, I got in on that side. I was too embarrassed to get out and change sides, so I just crawled over. Also, in that same week, I would forget to zip my fly...I walked around work and Wal-Mart with my fly unzipped. I'm so cool...

I am looking forward to this weekend. Rachael and Brandon are going to be in town for 2 weeks!! We are going to meet them in Branson on Saturday(yes, I'm going again this weekend). All of Sunday will be spent at Silver Dollar City. I haven't been there in almost 20 years, so it should be interesting. The week after Branson will be filled with planning Kimberly's linen/bridal shower. Rachael and I are planning to have purple and/or green in all foods. At the moment we are planning on doing strawberry/raspberry/blueberry/grape kabobs, guacamole with blue corn chips, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cupcakes, and any purple and green Easter candy we can find. There is more, I just can't think of it at the moment. Everything will be served on super cute sparkly green chargers and trays I found at Hobby Lobby. I'm no "Domestic Diva", so there are no guarantees it will turn out well. Hopefully that is where Rachael can help :-)

Wow, I'm pretty upbeat seeing that it is a Monday morning...maybe things are starting to get better.

Oh, and I apologize now for my scattered thoughts and horrible writing. I'm writing for myself, not to impress :-).

My mom and I had an amazing time in Branson. We at at Macaroni Grill and Famous Daves and did some shopping. Terry went camping this weekend, so that is partly why we went to Branson...to get away since he was going to be away.

When I got home, he had already taken a shower (so he wouldn't smell like a homeless man) and cleaned the house. He not only took a shower, but he got all dressed up, gelled his hair how I like it, and was wearing cologne. Since he was all dressed up, we decided to just go eat somewhere. We ended up at Taste of Thai...I had forgotten how good it was.

So, tomorrow I am going to try to make up some low carb foods to have ready for this week. When I come home from work, I'm usually hungry and will grab whatever is quickest and easiest. This is where I end up going off of my diet. That is why I plan on making several foods one or two days a week, then just heat them up on the days I don't want to cook. Here is what I plan on buying/making:

Avacados - to eat straight
Egg Salad
Ham
Lettuce
Cheese, cheese, cheese
Strawberries with Splenda
Chicken with a marsala sauce
Meatballs in Worcestershire sauce

I have also ordered several different low carb foods online.

So, I have started this blog mostly to keep myself accountable. I have been going through A LOT of changes recently and want to stick to it.

First of all, I was put on Prozac and birth control pills to help with my PMDD. I was able to get off Prozac (YESS!)with only 4 weeks of bad withdrawal symptoms. So, now that I'm off Prozac, I can feel the wrath of Brook coming every month. PMDD is so frustrating and ridiculously hard to get through each month. I went to see a great doctor who tested my TSH levels, vitamin D levels, and vitamin B levels. As expected, my TSH was normal and my D levels were low. This was all done on March 1. He recommended I take:

~Magnesium to help with PMDD
~5HTP for PMDD
~Vitamin D supplement
~Multivitamin

He is also having me use a compounded testosterone cream. One of my complaints was that I could NOT lose weight for anything. It takes a low carb, low calorie, portion control, and extensive exercise program to see any results. Testosterone and vitamin D should help, but if it's not good enough, I will be looking into changing forms of birth control.


Second, I am going to attempt to do a low carb diet again for a little while. The first time I did the diet, I lost 25lbs in 6 months. I would like to do that again, but not totally kill myself with the whole low carb, low calorie, portion control, and extensive exercise program. So I am just going to casually low carb it. The reason I'm doing this? My self esteem is at an all time low. Now that I'm married, I owe it to Terry to be at my best. So I plan on doing this for a while and hopefully I will see some results sooner than I did last time. I will use this blog as a food journal...and a place to vent.

Now, off to the post office and Branson. My diet starts Monday.